Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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