And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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