There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
