I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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