I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
