he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
