Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.