In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Small penises have feelings too.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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