my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!