Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So much puke
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.