So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me