you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday