It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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