I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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