sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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