I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
