Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
