yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
