My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
