I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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