Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.