The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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