I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
