One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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