it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
