good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
