he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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