Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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