Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
