Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
