Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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