found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
