walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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