I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
