Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They took my balls.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
