herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
