She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize