Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
