There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just had sex bonerless
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
