He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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