I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The beer is more important than you right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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