Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
