My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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