It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
