We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
