scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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