Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
