Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
