You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize