dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
