sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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