wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
