Where did you get a picture of my penis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
