I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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