I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
