i think i scared a bird with my dick
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
