Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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