I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
