I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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