college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my liver is dry heaving
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize