Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
