I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The adults are the big ones right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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