Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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