he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
