he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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