If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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