Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
